Anxiousness

Truth be told, I am quite the worry wart as much as I would like to deny it. These days, a lot of things troubled me. Whether it is job-related or my future plans or something basics like what I am going to do tonight, worry thoughts constantly gnaw me and it's becoming irritating.

I understand that life is unpredictable and tomorrow is full of mystery. Sometimes, it is this unexpectation and mystery that keep us moving forward. No amount of statistical data is able to predict 100% what will happen tomorrow. Hence, we have to always be on guard to expect the unexpected. It can be good; it can be bad. We will never know. By not knowing, we have nothing to deter us from carrying out our daily routine. If we know what will happen tomorrow, there's no point something else because we already know the results. As such, there is beauty in not knowing.

In contrast, suspense can stir wariness occasionally, especially with people experiencing my current mental state. After chatting with a good friend/housemate of mine, I pinpointed the source of this uneasiness. I am going through a transition. Not long ago, I was still a student under Sunway University. While officially I am not a graduate yet, I am technically not a student anymore. The burdens of workforce was bestowed upon me when I realized my next step in life is finding a job.

Indeed, I do have a job now. It is still too early to tell whether this is the career path I am fond of but so far, I like what I am doing. The problem is that I am still experiencing frequent anxiousness. It's not anxiety attacks (thank goodness) but it just frustrates me as I thought after securing a job, this feeling would subside. It all started two months ago when I was searching for a permanent job. The feeling of finding a job I like as well as getting it kept me up at night. It's normal. It's good to feel as such because we are only humans. What I didn't expect was that this feeling never truly subside and it comes back from time to time to bother me.

Thus, I blame this on my transition to become an adult (I was a young adult, there's a difference). However, even as an adult, I suppose it's part of life to still feel certain anxiousness in life. There are times when I wish someone could just tell me what's going to happen. Will I be successful? Will I be happy with my job? Will I be satisfied? Then again, what is there to look forward to if all these questions are answered.