Parents' Failed Investment

Strolling down the shopping mall alone on a mild Sunday afternoon, I was sipping on a cup of iced herbal tea. After a week of handling a classroom of seemingly innocent kids, I needed a remedy to soothe my throat. There I was, minding my business as I window shopped, a sudden high pitched cry caught me to a halt. Instinctively, I gazed around my vicinity to detect the source of the unpleasant noise. Right in front of me, a toddler, not more than 2 years old, was throwing a fit at his parents while wailing like a mad hungry parrot.

On usual days, I would discreetly investigate from a distance as to what might have caused a child to tear up. On my day offs, I couldn’t care less. As I resumed my stroll, the parents were desperately trying to placate, presumably, their baby but to no avail. By now, the child’s face had transformed into an overheated kettle on full steam. I pulled out my earphones to drown the audio torture with some techno melody. Just when I was about to press played, the parents started to bicker with each other with the still crying toddler on the floor. Although it was hard to make out the words of their argument with earphones on, it was clear enough that they were quarreling about parenthood.

It is no mystery that being parents is an arduous responsibility. Part of the package of being parents involve feeding an extra mouth, buying toys to entertain easily bored minds and educating children to secure a future of filial income after retiring. To put in simple terms, being parents is an investment and a risky one. You never know if your child would go astray or would not grow up to your standard. Furthermore, money is always a problem in societies these days. There will never be signs as to when an “investment” would go wrong but it will be satisfying if it’s worth it.

Indeed, my parents were investors as well, in both procreating and business. Like all parents, mine had high hopes in all their children, especially me given that I am the eldest among my siblings. Not to sound cliché, a list of achievements was expected from me such as getting the best grades, profit-minded, filial, dating the right girl etc. The list went on. Upon realizing that I could not fulfill these tasks, the expectation was pushed onto my first brother and the next. Imagine how that it felt when I was subtly being told that I wasn’t good enough.

The reason behind these high hopes lies in the notion that money makes the world goes round. Being the stereotypical frugal Chinese, my parents are all about milking money. I used the term milking because it wasn’t just about working hard for an honest income. Making friends with high social-economic background and working at a charity event to earn a quick buck were among some of activities my parents vigorously participated in all year round. For unknown logic, surrounding oneself with wealthy people and being seen as charitable would somehow increase one’s bank account. Even as minuscule as losing a few Ringgit would be a heinous crime in my parents’ eyes. It was frugality in the extreme. Since I was part of the family, it was a silent rule that I should heed all these advices if I were to live a successful life.

Of course, I rebelled against their ideals and I became the bad investment. With my ever non-conforming attitude, I followed my own dream and career pathway. On the surface, I would be greeted with kinds words like “How was your day at work?” Initially, I thought they turned to the other side of the leaf and supported me in my own life choices. That ended when the conversation reverted back to the topic of money. “Are you earning enough?” “Why don’t you try this job my friend introduced? You will earn more.” Eventually, to save myself from the headache of explaining my life goals, I just responded with nods of pretense. It was enough to satisfy their ever hopeful mind that they were right all along. Days when I had to meet my parents were always dreadful as I had to paint a façade on my face. Deep down though, my parents knew the truth and I supposed they had a façade of their own.

Meanwhile, as their sons all turned out to be undesirable investments, my parents continued their endeavors elsewhere. Their unquenchable thirst for perpetual monetary gain caught them drinking at the wrong side of the pool. Let’s just say shady (or moronic) actions were carried out. Unfortunately, these investments of theirs disrupted their lives and the lives of those around them. Namely, my brothers and I had to bear the blunt of the force as well. Normally, I couldn’t care less how my parents went about with their days but this crossed the line. Voices were raised. Tantrum was thrown. Tears were wept. My parents’ whole investment plans fell out, both financial-wise and their relationship with me. I kept my distance between my family with the exception of my brothers for fear that I would scream and shout uncontrollably like the toddler.

Suddenly, it dawned on me that the toddler and I weren’t so unalike. He was probably upset at the parents for something. As it turned out, he just wanted the parents to carry him, the reassurance that the security and comfort were still there. The moment he was embraced on his father’s arms, the crying ceased. I watched him as his frown turned to a giggle and I wondered again, if he and I were alike.

No More Wishes

Do you remember a time long ago, when you couldn’t stop yourself from counting down the days and you would wake up every morning complaining why the big day couldn’t be here soon? Yes, I’m talking about your birthday. Like everyone else, I always dreamed of the perfect birthday since childhood. In my mind, I expected a room full of streamers and balloons of myriad of colors as if someone had sprayed a whole school supply of paint. To add to the palette, a corner of the room would be piled up by blocks of presents in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Meanwhile, sounds of laughter and joy echoed throughout the room as both adults and children happily enjoyed each other’s company. Last but not least, the dining table would be speckled with mouth watering dishes catered to each taste bud. Fried chicken, stirred fried veggies, cheesy macaroni, steamed pomfret with a dash of yummy sweet vinegar sauce. Laid out around the table, the centerpiece would be, nonetheless, a huge chocolate-filled chocolate brownie cake dribbled extra chocolate sauce and sprinkled with vivid color-dyed rice. As everyone joined hands, a birthday song would be sung with me anticipating a wish come true as I blew out the only light in a dark room, sending a message to a wish granter in the hope that my wish would come true. Not a moment later, everyone would dig in and more echoes of joy will occupy the room.

That was the magic of a birthday. Be it a kid or an adult, miracles can happen on a person’s birthday, even if it may only play out in the person’s head. Plus, nothing is as magical as a birthday wish. The energy of a wish is at its highest peak when a person closes his or her eyes while clasping the hands really tightly, almost like praying, to really hope that the wish would be granted on the special day. I too had such magical thoughts but as the ages passed, it faded.

Not more than a week ago, I was celebrating my 24^th birthday. While I was bestowed with kind birthday wishes, the companionship of loved ones and several cakes, I realized I was as hopeful as I once used to be. The anticipation of a colorful room with laughter echoing was not there anymore. Even as a lovely scrumptious cake was presented to me, I couldn’t wait to blow it out even if no wishes were made. Somehow or rather, I just couldn’t wait to get it over with. This isn’t implying that my friends were source of lackluster of the day. They were great as they did their best to make sure my day was special and I couldn’t be more thankful. However, it didn’t eliminate the gnawing feeling I had in my heart. Perhaps I have become a grouchy birthday-equivalent Grinch or I have misplaced my wishful thoughts somewhere in the passage of time. I couldn’t see the Wish Granter. A dark room with a candle lit is just a dark room to me now. There’s no indication of hope or dream. My birthday was no longer special. It was another ordinary mundane day.

It sounds depressing and I couldn’t deny it. I do wish, though, that someday I could visit that joyous room again.

The New Year

Three days ago, fireworks were flying in the night sky all over the world. While their beauty was admired by many with hopeful anticipation for the new year, it lasted in a split second and the night was just any other night, albeit smokier.

Just like that, it is now the third day of January 2015 and time would not offer mercy to slow down for anyone. Once the festive mood in us comes to a pause, we have to pick up the pace and start the rat race that is the life we are living these days.

Regardless of what the new year has installed for us, we should retain some of that festiveness inside of us. For some reasons, 2014 seemed to clog up with tragedies (more so than usual) and some sadness lingers in the air, even till now. That is why the flame of the festiveness must remain burning even if it's at a low fire. For once it goes out, it would be a challenge to ignite it again.

My message to all of you is to keep your heads up and keep that festiveness burning. It's a start of a new year and this is your chance to rev up your flames and celebrate.

Days of Past 2014

Filling this blog with my daily activities hasn't been easy. Given that this month itself, I managed to publish two posts. Earlier this year, I tasked myself to decorate this blog as lively as I live my life throughout 2014. Seemed like not too long ago that I was drafting my first post for the year and now, it looks like I will be drafting my first post for 2015.

If you haven't been reading my blog (boo-hoo), you probably won't notice that I dedicated a post to feature each month that had past this year, sharing my experience from the point of view of an intern to a cashier to an educator. To say it was a roller coaster ride would be understatement because it offered so much more that I couldn't put into words (or maybe I can but I'm too sluggish to think of anything).

To walk down the memory lane of 2014, I will feature some of my personal best photos that I took this year which would also summarize my overall reminiscence of this past year.

It started as a battle...

All new year is a different battlefield that we must face inevitably. Like joining a newly created Dota game, the players differ each time. While some have no idea what's going on (me included), some are adept to the point that they can destroy you in matters of minutes. Similarly, I started this year with a slam of work ethics during my internship and I can honestly say that I had no clue as to what the heck was going on. Even to this point, there are times when I'm just so lost in work.




Work aside, my social life and hobbies came to frequent standstill as well. With regards to the former, I find myself lonelier after my degree ended. Needless to say, friends separated and went their own way and I was left to fend off the war of life myself. Over the time, some of them did come back to my circle while I acquainted some new ones too. This wasn't as depressing as my work life and I did learn to cherish my friends more.

Coming to my interest and hobbies, the reason why my blog or Instagram wasn't as lively as others' was due to the fact that I hit a bump on my creative side. Called it creative constipation, I couldn't muster an idea to write about or to photograph. I ended up watching adult cartoons and Sex and the City instead. While I'm adjusting myself to cope with my working life, I do hope my creativity will ignite from an ember to flame throughout next year.

Becoming a comforting melancholy...

In the span of 12 months, I had reverted back to the morbidity that I used to find comforting in the times when I was alone. The sweet melancholy of sadness and despondency developed from the tension of work and the ambiguity of my future enveloped me and I openly embraced it. I was a very repressed kid back in high school so I know a thing or two about being morbid. This was not to say I was suicidal but I looked at the work in a half empty way and I enjoyed it. Such phenomenon would rise and wane during certain months but I'm glad to say it's over now (well, there is some juice left but it's sealed tight).

Then, everything is awesome...

Of course, when it comes down to it, I would say I had fun venturing into new battle territories. Setbacks were to be expected but extra points scored from all the laughs and learning propelled me to look forward to another day no matter how gloomy the weather was.

Since the start, changes were around the corners and it was futility in practice to try to stop their influence. Same goes to whatever is going to happen in 2015. No matter how dark the clouds loom over the horizon, just sing a happy tune and you will realize they could provide a joyful wintry feel to the hot mess countries are facing these days (cue "Let It Go").





"Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without" - Buddha

Energizer Bunnies

I'm tired, both physically and mentally. In the span of two weeks, my body would collapse onto my bed without any assistance from the Sandman. There were times when I couldn't even muster the energy to shower even though I have spent more than 12 hours outdoor and let me tell you that I'm a neat freak with my body. The urge to be clean was buried so deep in my subconsciousness.

Yet, everyday, I manage to wake up at the same time and I continue with my daily work routine. Initially, I would be drunk in drowsiness but a quick jab of self motivation can get me going for the rest of the day (or to be specific, another 12 hours). Let me remind you that I'm working with kiddies these days and those things are life-size Energizer Bunnies. I need to plaster a cheerful face and hype up an enormous amount of energy lest I want a class full of yawns and nappy time.

This thought comes to my mind whenever I'm teaching a class. Always on cue, I would dread about it whenever I go to work. However, no matter how mentally and physically drained, I'm somehow charged when I'm in front of my students. Regardless of their age, personality or attitude, my supposed plastered cheerfulness turns out to be genuine. Something about them just brings me joy and delight. Perhaps, it's their infectious glee or their determination to live. It dawns on me that they are not Energizer Bunnies but adorable Power Banks that just fully charged my battery.

Let's face it, we all are tired but we need something to motivate us, to get us through the day no matter how overwhelming our fatigue is. I will miss the bunnies that I was teaching in the past few days and it will take some time before I find another source of motivation (or other bunnies). Needless to say, every dawn is a new day and so long that we can find those motivation to carry us onwards, the day will start bright. 

Brewing a Successful Coffeehousel

In the versatile society that we live in, fads come as quickly as they go. The latest trend that brewed up in everyone's cup is enjoying a Cuppa Joe in a cafe. Indeed, strolling down any urban streets will be greeted with at least one coffeehouse. It ranges from a high end commercialized coffeehouse like Starbucks to seemingly obscure parlours with a name that skips everyone's mind. Although the qualities and standards vary, most of them always seem to be full house with patrons continuously pouring in by the hour, all the way til closing time.

There's no doubt that opening a coffeehouse seems like a auspicious business plan, giving current consumers' craving for all things caffeine and sweetness. As a consumer myself, I can name you more than 10 coffeehouses under 10 seconds. However, just like fads, some coffeehouses close down just as fast they set it up. Main reason is usually being that there isn't enough income to upkeep the perpetually rising economy.

As such, I dedicate this post as to the features of successful coffeehouses (from a consumer's perspective, of course).

1) Always Stay Connected
With the global demand to stay online 24/7, WIFI has become an urban survival need on par with water and air. As depressing as it may be, we need Internet these days if we want to keep up with the ever changing trends. Thus, coffeehouses are the best place to sit down and stay connected with the world since we can chill with a cup of coffee while a jazzy/lounge music is playing in the background (the playlists usually consist of early 2000s songs, much to my delight).

This is a top priority for patrons who do not have Internet at home (me included) or a slow one for that matter. Let's face it, students and employees these days are in dire need of Internet to complete their work which consist of surfing the web. For my case, I need to update myself with all the Youtube videos I subscribed to and not to mention, writing this blog.

Additionally, having WIFI alone is not enough. You need fast speed. Don't forget, people are becoming more hectic and everything must be on the go. That includes the WIFI. If the cafe doesn't have WIFI, it's horrible for business but if the cafe has slow WIFI, you get horrible reviews. At the very least, those parlours without WIFI are honest about not being connected to the web. As for those with slow Internet, patrons might cash in with the thought that they can surf the net at the place but those frowns would turn into frustrations, especially in the attempt of watching a Youtube video. They will feel cheated and the cafe would be unwelcomed with horrible reviews posted on social networks, like a Shyamalan movie.

Thus, to pack a coffeehouse with patrons, you need good and fast WIFI.

2) Freshly Brewed Goodness
To be known as a coffeehouse, you need coffee (duh!) but not just any coffee. It is undeniable that venues like Starbucks or Coffeebean are well-known, even if they have unstable WIFI. They offer freshly brewed caffeinated beverages with a beguiling fragrance that captivates a tensed mind like a hormonally charged teenager falling in love for the first time. Such aroma would bring even the most indefatigable business executives to their knees.

Each successful coffeehouse should possess its own signature beverage. For instance, Starbucks has its infamous Signature Hot Chocolate. It sounds like a recipe for diabetes but the chocolaty goodness is too strong to resist. Some coffeehouses like the one I'm currently in - Scooters -  have its own unique drink. Scooters offers a ball of cotton candy to compliment the coffee served to you. Even a greasy fast food restaurant like McDonald has its own brand of beverage endemic to its franchise - The Himalayan Tea. Contrary to its image of everything fried and oily, I'm quite fond of the Himalayan Tea.

3) The Rest of the Menu
While coffees are the quintessential of a coffeehouse, having a menu of varieties of goody treats always appeases a demanding crowd. Whoever says they do not have a craving for cakes and desserts are liars on a diet. Almost all coffeehouses I've been to have some cakes on display behind glass casing. The more colorful the display, the more 'ka-ching' you hear from the cash register. We are all fat little kids on the inside and we crave the delicious sweetness a cake can fulfill.

Some other cafes provide a different kind of menu. One of them is Meteora, a cafe near my workplace. It provides lunch meals and desserts like cheerios. It's not often you find such a treat in Malaysia. Basically, a myriad menu is appreciated by a myriad of customers.

4) Social Friendly Atmosphere
When you're meeting up with friends and you tired of walking aimlessly around the mall, the next place location to hang around is a coffeehouse. With the access to the Internet to respond the ever prerequisite Whatsapp messages and the taste of good coffee, you are in good mood to spend some wonderful time with your friend chatting about the insignificance of your life. As a social being, we humans need constant social contact.

Homes are usually off limits due to the presence of prying parents and dirty secret behind bedrooms. Thus, a location is needed to gossip about the studious students that always scoring A or the co-worker that seems to brag about being the boss's favourite. A coffeehouse offers the sort of ambiance one can sink into relaxation and release all the boxed up thoughts of hurdles of life. A hipster environment is an added advantage as it rubs off some of its authenticity to the customers, making them feel as though they are hipsters without even trying.

As such, an impeccable coffeehouse should contain a well air-conditioned room but leaving enough room for the caffeinated aroma to dance across the room. As mentioned beforehand, music is essential as well. Customers come to relax. So the playlists should not include any hardcore rock'n'roll or the R&B/Pop nonsense that has been filling radio these days. Lastly and dare I say it, the toilet should be homely as well. No one likes a dirty toilet. Nice decors like flower pots and pebbles are sufficient to transform a place of bad odour to an imagined room of comfort for deep thoughts of life.

And that's my reasons as to how a coffeehouse can be successful. Of course, there are many other reasons which I may have neglected but I believe that these fours should be an owner's priority. If the coffeehouse provides just the right conditions, a customer could literally stay here for 6 hours straight. Yup, I have been staying in this cafe since 5pm and it's almost 11pm. I better sign off before the owner realizes I'm free loading on their complimentary water. Ciaoz

The Missing Pieces

Whenever I have an idea or inspiration to build LEGO structures or take photographs using minifigures, I often find myself digging my box for the pieces that I want. I do not have a proper display case for them and I firmly believes that there is no use to exhibit them behind glass cases as I would take them out most of the times anyway for my photography. The idea of painstakingly rearranging them in a specific post is discomforting. Thus, I would rather have them sorted out in a box, a la minifigures, accessories and bricks.

Given the confined spaces of my boxes, some pieces would detach or fell apart whenever I attempt to dig up pieces at the bottom of the box. My clumsy hands inadvertently crumple the adjacent models. What I mean by models are like Snaily here. 

Consequently, during one of my building frenzies, I could literally spend a good two to three hours creating a LEGO-esqued scene because most of my time is wasted on finding those detached pieces which for some reason, always end up at the bottom of the box.

It is extremely frustrating as these pieces are minuscule. The situation becomes more dire when it comes to minifigures. At times, I would purposefully detach their tiny hands or legs so that I can create an original persona. Given my lack of fondness for all things meticulous, I would unknowingly drop these pieces into the seemingly giant boxes. The next time I try to reuse the same pieces, I have to go through the trouble of finding them. It doesn't help when they camouflage themselves with the other pieces, escaping detection.

There are times when these pieces could not be located at all. Even to the point of dumping out all the pieces, the intended ones still elude me. It is moments like this that I turn myself into a panicky White Rabbit and I would frantically search every nooks and crannies of my room for them. You know it's serious when droplets of sweat starts to soak your forehead and your shirt in an air-conditioned room. Tolerance fades away and annoyance worry and restlessness become your unwanted companions. Meanwhile, nothing will soothe your mind until you find those missing pieces. It will come to a point that it's futile to even continue. I end up lying on my mattress, thinking could I have accidentally lost the piece the last time I used it for photography outside.

All seem lost until I fumble among the pile of LEGO and there it is. The pieces I want have been hiding in plain sight. Letting a sigh of relief, I happily resume the building process, albeit the huge mess I have to clean up.

It is easy to think that things we are looking for go missing all the time when instead they have always been there. No intrusion, no theft but merely hiding in plain sight. We find them missing because we never truly appreciate them until we need them. I admit, I have yearned for the adoration of my students, carefully making sure that they get what they want while maintaining a certain level of discipline and boundary. I always thought that the pieces connecting me and my students are missing but instead, they have always been there. I found out about this when one of my students teared up in my last class with him, saying that he will miss me. I was touched. I supposed I have been focusing too much on making them happy with me that I didn't really focus on them.

So, appreciate the people around you and they will never become those missing pieces that you need to find.